Mars’ Emperor sent 7-billion pepperoni pizzas to Earth as a
peace gesture.
Earth’s Illustrious Pooh-bah was so grateful he declared a
global holiday to honor the Emperor. Everyone on Earth
received a pizza, and gobbled it up.
That night, Illustrious Pooh-bah yelled over TV, "This is an
emergency. The FBI discovered the pizzas contained tiny
nuclear bombs. Martians might detonate them any minute.
Induce vomiting. Rush to hospitals!"
Vomit flooded the streets. Hospitals were overwhelmed.
***
The Emperor pressed a button. Billions of Earthlings
exploded.
"I told you they’d eat free pizzas," General Gggg told Mars'
Emperor, as they viewed billions of nuclear mushroom clouds
through telescopes.
"True. But some vomited enough to eject the bombs."
"No problem. Let’s send Earthlings chocolate chip cookies
with bombs inside."
"Can we fool them twice?"
"Sure. They have notoriously short memories and can’t
resist chocolate chip cookies."
Mars conquered Earth without firing a shot.
