Random Automated Transcript Loc Ref: EU-Cavern 42-Cell 4284-

Time Ref: Minus 9:00 to StatCount (428AB Month 7)

B1-How many hits now?

B2-948, only 52 more to go.

B1-We’ll never make it.  There only 9 mins left.  That’s six hits a min.

B2-We’ve done it before, we can do it again.  We just need a surge. Focus.

B1-But . . .

B2-I’ll delete your ‘but’ from your arsebook if you don’t get tapping!  Stop whining and get back to commenting?!  You know the stats: 73% of all hits last month were the result of comments on other Lifeblogs, so get comming.

B1-Yeah, I know the stats.  We all know the stats.  Is there anyone still alive on this web of rock who doesn’t know all about stats?  We’re weaned on numbers.

B2-Look, we don’t have time for this now, blogmate.  Find a blog, speed read it, make a fatuous complimentary comment, and pray to Gates they do likewise.

B1-There’s million of us out there, all trying to pull the same scam.  Just look at the traffic metres—the Net’s on 86 and rising . . . A million rats tapping in their cells in the cavern cities of five continents.  Zombie surfers . . .

B2-Oh spare me the old world poetry!  What the shutdown is a rat anyway?  Maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess in your posts were a bit more user-friendly a bit less . . . weird!

B1-I thought you liked my posts . . .

B2-I do, but come on, what was that last one about?  Some play about mad dead people . . .

B1-It was homage to Beckett!

B2-I didn’t see any Beckett on the visitor path register.

B1-He’s a dead playwright!

B2-Dead playwrights don’t get you no hits!  The dead don’t surf!

B1-Well, it shouldn’t be just about hits.  What about . . . meaning?

B2-In the name of Facebook, will U delete the blogosophy and execute your share of the cyberwork.  This isn’t a role play game!  The cull figures are set to . . .

B1-Oh skew your figures!  You Stumble and Digg us, and I’ll do the bogus comments.

B2-That’s the cyberspirit!  No one can boguecom like you can!

[2 minutes silence]

B2-Oh shetvers—we’re down to 4 minutes and we’re still 39 hits from the safe zone.  We’ll have to go viral.

B1-But U know what the Committee says about viral?  The Webpol executed ten thousand shutdowns last month alone.

B2-We can get away with it.  Just skim the title, make your comment look kinda relevant, and hope they don’t notice.  The Netpols are snowed under.

B1-But what if . . .

B2-In precisely 4 minutes, we won’t have to worry about the Netpols coz our target won’t have been met and our cell will be shutdown.  Which part of this aren’t you downloading?  How many times have we been frozen in this conversation loop before?

B1-Enough already!  Let’s viral, capital V.  I’ll do the soap opera reality shows; U take the news shows.

[2 mins silence]

B2-3 mins; 9 hits down. We’re getting there.  We’re gonna make it.  One more month of Bloglife, here we come.  Who said we’d never make 40?

B1-What in the Windows!

B2-It’s the blue screen . . . the blue screen of death.  U read about it, but U never think it’s gonna happen 2U . . .

[Cybernetic Webpol Agent 2189C]-Attention Cell 4284 surfers. Your accounts have been frozen for viral marketing offences. You surfing rights are withdrawn. Your cell is now offline.

B2-It’s so . . . black.

B1-And silent.  It’s sounds so eerie without the air con.  How long have we got?

B2-I read a blog once that said two surfers had about a half-hour worth of air in the average cell before . . .

B1-You also did love your stats.

[Cell 8284 (Blogger 1 and Blogger 2) no longer being updated.  Message Ends]