 |
 |
|
Weird But True |
|
Grasshoppers have white blood. |
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
Did You Know ~ |
|
Napoleon Bonaparte was afraid of cats. He conducted his battle plans in a sandbox; and he had his servants wear his boots to break them in before he wore them. |
|
 |
| |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
| |

The
Wrong
Room
by Joseph D. DiLella
©2008

Dressed in a wrinkled gray trench coat, the detective with an
alligator snout locked the door shut behind the accused that
slobbered and drooled on the old speckled vinyl flooring as he
slid inside the over-heated interrogation chamber.
The accused lumbered his five hundred pound plus carcass across
the floor. The creature eventually reached the tiny red
cushioned chair behind the table. Hoisting himself upon the
undersized resting apparatuses, the alleged criminal cupped all
eight of his hands, intertwined its arms, and rested all of them
upon the cold, metal table top. Not a stranger to Precinct
47, the nervous, but self confident fellow followed the
inspector’s pacing like a child anticipating a severe spanking
from one of his fathers.
The Inspector puffed on a menthol cigarette. Smoke
billowed out, into the air, like a smoke stack from an
environmentally-safe, Cosmos Seven intergalactic train, the
investigator croaked out the following accusation: "Five
witnesses, Slattery —not
one, two, three or four—but
five stinkin’ beings put you at the scene of the crime."
The bulbous headed one sneered back without a word.
"From what I hear on the street, you’ve had a grudge against
their kind for centuries," the interrogator said as he put out his
cigarette under his right front paw.
A bead of sweat, barely noticeable, fell down a circuitous
route in large cracks and crevices of skin flaps etching the large
one’s face until it fell into a tiny pocket —one
of hundreds on Slattery’s cheeks. Sucking in the moisture
like a dying sea-slug on a desert floor, the being closed his eyes
and tried to meditate the entire discussion away from his
conscious mind before saying, "I don’t hold grudges against any
aliens, big or small—even
ones that smell like you, Detective Goddard."
Angered by the callous attitude, Goddard swung his tail around
his body and slammed it upon the table. He nearly knocked
the Hermotite’s horn-rimmed glasses off his head. "What
would a pot-bellied, pig like you know about odor?"
The suspect regrouped himself in the chair, straightened his
eyewear, and countered saying, "Sticks and stones; detective,
sticks and stones . . ."
The officer of the court reached for his ray gun, but stopped
short before pulling it from his waistband and disintegrating the
nemesis on the spot. Recalling what his superior had said just
last week —that
any more foul play would have him fired instantaneously—Goddard
instead reached into his bulging coat pocket and instead threw out
five golf-sized, beautifully designed marbles like so many Yahtzee
dice.
This caught Slattery’s attention.
The marbles bounced up. Each ball orbited a small bright
orb directly above the table.
"Notice anything unusual about this grouping, Slats?"
Goddard said loudly as he slid behind the creature and shoved his
head towards the spherical entities.
"Yeah —there’s
a blue one missing," he replied as he rubbed the ridges of his
sore neck. "You must have a hole in that moth-eaten jacket
of yours."
The Hermotite laughed out loud, but to Detective Goddard, the
noise sounded more a siren the precinct blew for lunch each day.
"You’re a funny guy, Sluggo," Goddard chuckled to himself as
walked to the front of the circling orbs hovering three feet above
the table. "I bet you got a good laugh when you snuffed out
those billions of life forms out like a swarm of Pervuvian locust
caught in a bug zapper." The long arms of the law reached
out and clutched the accused by his mushy shoulder blades.
"You had the means, motive and opportunity to destroy that
globe, Fatso; and if it takes me a million years to baby-sit you
in this dungeon to extract the truth out of you, so be it."
Slattery shook off the detective’s grip as easily as a horse
batting flies away with his tail. "In fact, that’s exactly
where I was —home—
babysitting my thirteen squidlings, a billion par secs away from
that solar system."
And that’s when Goddard laid down his final card.
"You forget, Slattery, I’m wise to you and your kind.
What’s it been, three, four months that the Hermotites developed a
way to create mini-wormholes for teleportation?"
This time, not one but dozens of sweat beads rolled down the
creature’s face.
"You could be in one place one moment, like your home, and more
than a one hundred thousand light years away in an instant."
Goddard leaned into the suspect’s face before saying, "Do you want
a lawyer now or after you confess?"
As Slattery wiped his face dry with the tip of his flexible
pink nose, the inspector took that as an impending confession.
The detective crossed his arms and nodded his head in
satisfaction.
Before he could call the public defender for the sobbing
murderer, a harsh knock rattled the titanium door.
"Oh sorry, Goddard —I
thought the room was free," said the ex-partner as he stuck his
head around the door.
"Wrong room, Dante," grumbled the disinterested cop who pointed
next door and to the right with his thumb.
"Sure, I’ll take this one down there," the newbie replied as he
dragged yet another red devil by its pointy tail to the inner ring
of the police station for a similar crime against an innocent
population living on a small rock circling a large sun.

by Joseph D. DiLella, New Mexico
©2008
Writing is Joseph's passion and avocation, though, his day job
is currently as a third year Assistant Professor of Bilingual
Education at Eastern New Mexico University. While in
production, he pitched stories to the TV series Star Trek:
Enterprise at Paramount Studios. His tale, Cheating
Destiny was an Alternate Selection for Star Trek: Strange
New Worlds Vol. 10. |
|
 |
|
 |
|