Dream agent?
I rarely leave the swamp but I do have the Internet. So I can virtually, if not actually, move to and fro in the world and go up and down in it. I think that's a line from a book. One my father showed me when I was larval. It had him in stitches but I never saw the jokes.
Lately my wanderings have been agent-biased since I'm looking for one. A proper one, not some fee-charging, vanity-press-submitting con artist. I have Samuel's Girl about ready to restart the submissions so I've been browsing again.
I read a lot of comments where people say they are looking for their 'dream agent'. What is that? Wouldn't a real-life one be more effective? An agent sells your book for you. I expect nothing more than that.
There's no need to pressure an agent to sell the book. There's no need to haggle about advance sizes. Agents work on a percentage. The more the author makes, the more the agent gets so any advance they negotiate is going to be as high as it can be. Every decent agent does that.
What I'm looking for is a business arrangement. I don't need more friends. I don't need a shoulder to cry on. There are plenty in the spares cupboard. I don't need anyone interfering in my daily life. I need an agent relationship that goes like this:
Me: Here's a book.
Agent: It's crap. I can't sell that.
Me: Okay, here's another one.
Agent: Better, but you have to fix these bits.
Me: Fixed. How about now?
Agent: Okay, I think I can sell this. Call me in a couple of months if you don't hear from me.
Then I forget about that book until the time comes to fiddle with it again, and in the meantime write something else.
You tell me. What else does a 'dream agent' do? I can't think of anything else I'd want from one.
