Double glazing?
A madman rang my doorbell today. Dressed as a salesman, he waved glossy brochures and said he had come to sell me double glazing. It's a big castle, he said, with lots of windows. Doesn't it get draughty?
"It's a castle," I said. "It's supposed to be draughty. Prevents the buildup of undesirable odours." I sized him up. One of my life-sized models needed a new chassis, but he was far too short to be useful. Even a few days on the rack wouldn't fix him. Besides, I was intrigued by the idea of double glazing, whatever that might be. I tried to imagine windows fitted with glass twice as wide as the opening but couldn't for the life of me work out why anyone would want that.
"It cuts down noise, too." He was making this up, I was sure. I folded my arms and nodded at him to continue. He did. "Double glazing can block disturbing noise, leaving a peaceful and calm environment."
I considered this. "A peaceful and calm environment is not really what I intend for my swamp. Besides, this castle is far enough from the village that they are unlikely to be disturbed by the noises."
The madman cleared his throat. He took a step back and pointed upwards. "You have a window up there with no glass at all. My company could fit a nice PVC frame in there in no time, and it would be much warmer inside."
I rolled my eyes at this and spoke very slowly. "If I were to plug that window with glass, it would shatter next time I shot at the Ferals, now wouldn't it?" That was, in fact, what had happened to the original glass but he seemed to have difficulty absorbing what I had already told him so I decided not to explain further.
"Ferals? What are Ferals?"
That was it. This double glazing sounded like something I really didn't want to buy, and I could think of no experimental or decorative use for this man, so I handed him a flashlight and an airhorn. "Blast the horn and wave the light, and you'll see them for yourself."
I closed and locked the door and ran upstairs to fetch my crossbow. He had sounded the horn twice before I reached the window, but I still managed to bag a few as they carried him away.
