Dr. Dume ~ The Doctor is In

I took a walk today, since the weather was good. The rain was warm for the time of year, and only mildly acidic, and the wind had only reached gale force four.

On the track that leads to the village, the weekly bus rattled past me. I stopped and stood well back since this bus has been known to shed a rusty panel or two on the rare occasions where it accelerates above walking pace.

Form one of the windows, a girl waved and smiled. I waved and smiled back: a magnanimous gesture on my part since I have no idea who she was. The incident preyed on my mind for the rest of my walk. It was only later, when I tried to describe the girl to Stumpy, that I realised something important.

Women and men observe in radically different ways.

My description of this girl amounted to 'Well, she was blonde, and...um...she had a face.' That was the extent of it, even though I can still form a clear picture of her in my head. A blonde girl with a face. A woman's description of the same incident would have included 'honey/platinum/strawberry' or some other additional information in front of the 'blonde'. These are meaningless adjectives to men. Blonde is blonde. We don't differentiate.

Consider a crime committed by a man wearing a football shirt. On giving a description to police, a man might say 'It was a Manchester United shirt, but the 2005 version, not the 2007 version' (don't worry, it means nothing to me either). A woman would say 'He had a red top'.

Consider a speeding car. A woman might say 'It was a blue car and it was going too fast'. A man would give the make, model, year of manufacture, registration, an estimate of its speed, the exact code for the colour of the paint and the engine block number. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. Not all men can do all of that, in fact I only know of two.

This is why men think women are stupid. Conversely, women are equally convinced that men are stupid for very similar reasons.

Suppose a man and a woman enter a tea-room, have a cup of tea, then leave, and are then asked to describe the room.

The man will say ' Oh... tables, cup of tea, that sort of thing'. The woman will have memorised the shade of paint on the walls, what the tables were made of, how clean they were, how the waitress was dressed, whether she seemed in a good or a bad mood, and many other things I, as a man, can only guess at.

If these same two are passed in the street by a scantily-clad nymphet, the man's eyes will be riveted to her throughout her approach. He will probably find an excuse to turn around after she's passed. The woman will spare her only a glance.

The man's description: 'Long black hair, slim, big chest, long legs." Ask him what she was wearing. "Uh.. a short skirt." What colour was it? He has no idea, yet he has stared at her for several minutes. He's not seeing those clothes, in fact he's deliberately, if unconsciously, trying not to see them. He's trying to see through them.

Ask the woman for a description. In one short glance she has assessed the nymphet's clothes, their colours, whether they match, whether they are in fashion, the style and make of her shoes, whether she's too old/young to wear such an outfit. The woman can tell you the cost of each individual garment and where to buy them. She will critique the nymphet's makeup and hair, and usually end with some descriptive term such as tart, bimbo, floozy or slut. With, of course, the inevitable curl of the lip. This contemptuous sneer is a mystery to men since women who fit those descriptions are much sought after.

So there is a massive difference in what a woman will notice in any situation, and what a man will notice in the same situation. Dust, for example, is invisible to male sight but is evidently luminous when seen through a woman's eyes.

What's the point of all this? Well, it's important information for any writer, especially when writing from the alternative gender's point of view.

No man will notice what another man is wearing unless it's something bizarre, like a dress or a banana suit. The dress will definitely get noticed, the banana suit might. If you write from a male POV, then having the character notice a loose thread on someone's clothing is completely unrealistic (unless it's interfering with his view of a cleavage). He might not notice if his friend grows a beard, but he will notice immediately if that same friend adds a new spotlight to his car.

Women notice things invisible to men. It's perfectly reasonable, from a female POV, to give a detailed description of a room. If it's dusty, female characters notice. Male ones don't unless it's really bad.

Don't forget your readers when using combinations of descriptions through male or female POV's. A male reader, reading a female character who thinks 'the room is dusty' pictures a thin film of dust that really doesn't need to be cleaned up yet. If he reads a male character thinking the same thing, he imagines that the dust is probably at that stage where something should be done.

A female reader in the same situation will, on hearing the female POV on dust, think of a visible layer of dust. On reading the male character comment on the dust, she'll imagine it must be up to his knees. Men and women are aware of each other's limitations, though rarely of their own. Consider, when writing male and female POV's, how those will translate in the male or female reader's head.

I'll have to think on this further, but I sense the basis of an article forming here.